This is a very different type of post from me, I know, but one that I feel is important for me to write. This is my first Valentines day being single in a very long time. I wasn’t sure how I’d feel, even though I haven’t been in a steady relationship for a while now.
In a word, I’m happy. I have been happy for a while now. There are benefits to a single life that I hadn’t foreseen. I feel that I have more freedom. I can do things in own time. I don’t have to worry or put certain pressures on myself. I can enjoy being alone without feeling guilty. I can enjoy long walks without worrying about limitations or write for hours without interruptions. There’s a lot of power in being alone, and learning to be happy with being alone. There’s a strength in not needing anyone around you.
I’ve always felt trapped. I guess it can be argued that it was the relationships I was in, perhaps? Was it the result of becoming stagnant or complacent? I easily get restless. I’m agitated when I get too close. I’m prone to self-sabotage, especially when something feels too good to be real. I guess it can be said that I haven’t found the right one, but then what does that mean? What would the significance be when I am already happy with what I have?
I was afraid of being alone at first, and I think it is that same fear that keeps so many people bound in toxic relationships. That’s probably why I’m writing this, just in case anyone needs to hear it. There’s a happy ending here. There’s no shame in that fear, we’re social creatures after all. We need people and contact and love, but trust me when I say that sometimes, from some of the people in our lives, it’s not worth it. Some people hold you back. Some people can put you down, without you realising. Some people aren’t worth your time or energy or love.
My most prominent realisation from being single; there are now fewer people in my life that I need to concern myself with. The result is having more energy and love for my passions. I have more energy and love for those people around me, my family and friends, and I can put my all into my goals. And I don’t have to worry if the other person in my life doesn’t agree with something that I want to do, or dislikes the people that I want to spend time with. It’s not that I have ever felt controlled – I haven’t. I have just forgone that extra cognition of “is this okay?”.
And now, with this new strength, I am content with whatever the future will bring. I am not afraid of being alone, so I will not seek for that one person. I already have that one love in my life, and that person is me. If someone would one day stumble upon me, then I will take my time to know their soul… because that is all that truly matters. I know my soul now, and it craves for nothing other than happiness. I have learned that I can be content in my existence and I can be happy in being perfectly imperfect. I have learned the power in being single.
Lee A. Vockins. 
I’ve never really known what it’s like to be single. I got married at a young age and always had a boyfriend up until then. But I have been alone for years on end while being married, and I’ve found it to be true that happiness really does come from within.
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It truly does. Depending on mindset, I think there’s a lot of strength to be gained from being alone. Up until last year, I hadn’t realised how constricted I felt, but I guess that depends on the situation.
There’s a lesson in everything. 🙂
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I think the relationships that leave you with the freedom to be yourself completely and also allow you to choose how you spend your time are the ones that last the longest. Everyone deserves the freedom to be themselves.
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Definitely. Unfortunately, I also think they’re the rarest. It’s probably more important for us creatives, as we need that time and space 🙂.
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As creatives we definitely do… 🙂 I’ve found some of those rare gems in this world so I know they really do exist. But people also change over the years, and sometimes they change with you or grow apart from you. It’s hard to tell what will happen sometimes.
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I agree with all the comments, Lee.And yes, creative people need that space. More generally, each partner in a relationship that really stands the test of time, allow each other to change and grow. Having a strong sense of self is vital to avoid conflicts and dysfunctions. Relationships are all a bit of a lottery, so having the ability to embrace going solo and ‘knowing thyself’ is a strength and a personal asset. Thank you for sharing this :>)
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I completely agree. It certainly does seem to be a bit of a lottery, as it requires two people to have a lot of synergy. Guess I just haven’t found that yet. I find the subject of relationships interesting, probably because I feel more complete when I’m alone. It’s all very interesting. Thank you for your comment! Hope you’re well. 🙂
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